Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
