i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
