Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize