new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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