All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
