i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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