Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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