Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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