sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Randomize
