i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
