I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
My vagina is officially offended.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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