Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
