We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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