I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
please come you make the beer taste better
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
