talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize