Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
