you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
