Girls should come with a carfax report
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
