I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
