I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
