You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
