How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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