Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
