I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
