"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
