The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
