There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
MIDGETS
????
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
