; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
