How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
