I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
