There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
