It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
