even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i came on her dog
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
