Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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