Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
