We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
