he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
