It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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