Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
