It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
