Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
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