I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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