Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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