Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
