His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
