I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
