you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I have fence marks all over my body
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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