If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
My breasts were aching with rage.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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