I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
