If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
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