i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
