RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
