Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
