Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
