Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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