Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize