do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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