Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
