Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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