Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
