I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
