When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
These tits shall not be calmed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
