Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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