What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
