bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
