every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
