I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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