you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
