If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
