Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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