I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
