Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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